Woah, lots happened since I last checked in! L and I just lived with each other for 1.5 months straight, and it was really, really fucking good! It was very fun and very encouraging. I also got vaccinated with the J&J the day before it was paused for blood clots. Kinda bummed on that and would definitely have rathered one of the others in hindsight, but I am mostly just overwhelmingly happy to be vaccinated at all. L also got the J&J and is at a far higher risk of clotting that I - all the cases have been with women, and even then the cases are literally one in a million. I am salty though that the efficacy is so much lower than the other two. Like, I don't want to still get this shit after spending so much time avoiding it! But its about the same efficacy as the flu shot and I've never gotten the flu so here's hoping. I feel pretty headachey and tired rn and I can't tell if its vaccine fallout or if I'm just due for a good sleep without L in my bed haha. I got pretty sick the day after my vax and haven't felt quite back to normal yet.
This post was sponsored by being fucking vaccinated thank god lets get on with it
Song of the day: Jackie and Wilson - Hozier
I just had one of the best days of my life! I woke up and had a great interview with M$, although I don't think I'll take the job if I got it. I would be excited to bring that offered paycheck back to CS though and see if I can get a salary closer to what I think I'm worth. Afterwards, L brought home pastries and then set me off on a scavenger hunt!! At the end of it was an incredible home made gorillaz sweatshirt that is meant to "replace" the one that she already steals, but she's already wearing the new one :) We then made a tree net up an MC and cooked cheeseburgers and fries for the house. During the cooking, Mo came out and improved a whole ass song about me. E also wrote a very sweet note. After dinner way played telestrations. It was overall one of the most wonderful days I've had in a long long time. I feel so lucky to have such loving friends and such a loving partner.
This post was sponsored by the best birthday ever!!
Song of the day: Mo's improved bday song (and Montero - Lil Nas X)
Whew, feeling way better than last time. Life is pretty dang good rn. The house has been so wonderful since E and Mo moved in. Last night, everyone except Mn (he had a migraine) played hearts and it was a total blast. To make less noise we all played in my room too, and it felt very reminiscent of college - always hanging in each other's private living spaces. You don't really do that much once you live in a house with common areas. Anyway, it feels like one big happy family. I cooked tonight and it seemed like people vibed. On the negative side of things, it is tax season, and thinking about money always gets me in a weird mood. I get so manic about it. I am fortunate that most of my life I get to live just not worrying about it too much. But when I do think about it, it gets me so worried about optimizing everything, and when that is combined with the lack of knowledge I have about taxes it leads to no good. I think its time to call in some big guns, and get these thoughts out of my head. L is coming up soon too which I am so amped for!!! It will be a great time.
This post was sponsored by the feeling like the sponsoring gimick is getting pretty old.
Song of the day: Hey Ya - Outkast
[ Redacted Angst ]
Had some great talks today with M and K. Talked about living in an intentional community for a long time. I also had a really good long talk with M afterwards about all sorts of great stuff. Everything discussed made me think about how taking chances is what life's all about. One will never be fully prepared to take a risk, it just has to be done, and so why not sooner rather than later. Mistakes make for the best stories anyway. It was a good day, but I def found myself a little distanced when talking with L. I think she represents commitment to something other than myself which takes away many branches of possibility (but replaces it with something I do really deeply love). Its hard to know where to stand on such things. Hopefully I'll be able to take many exciting chances with her, not despite her. I hope I remember this mindset when covid ends.
This post was sponsored by sending it and listening
Song of the day: Águas de Março - Stan Getz and João Gilberto
A sense of peace and calm has washed over me in the early early morning of this friday. I have been watching some Joe Pera Talks With You which always puts me in a more serene, appreciative headspace. It has been a week devoid of fulfillment and emotion, but sitting here late at night is making me feel at ease. The song of the day and talking to L today have all helped as well. L was talking about putting her commissions on her taxes which I was pretty surprised by. I expressed that it would definitely slip through the cracks if she just didn't report it. She mad an expression sort of like the sad troll face and said "But I'm good!!!"
It was heartmelting. I love her!!
This post was sponsored by remembering that being compassionate is the point of life
Song of the day: The Freezer Aisle - Holland Patent Public Library
Update for the history books: The capitol was stormed today. Lots of discussion with M, S and S in the house. I feel both shocked and not surprised at all. I will forever remember the extreme incompetence and double standard displayed by the policing of these fascists compared to the brutal violence enacted on peaceful BLM protestors this summer. This country is extrememly disappointing. I have a modicum of hope for a Dem senate, but I am not holding my breath. I also have an interview with CL tomorrow!!! So in that way the future also looks bright.
New Year! Def gonna try to catalogue more of my life this year. I think it will both help me remember it later on and be more apprecitative of it now. Spent the holidays with L and her fam, which made me both really appreciative of her and her family, but also my family and friends. So much saturation with specific people makes the differences in others really stand out, and I found myself really relishing talking to my friends and thinking about the way I was raised during that time. I am happy to be home and focus on self improvement some more. I also just watched Soul and thought it was really good. I am happy.
I also have noticed myself being really drawn towards learning about much more varied stuff as opposed to just reverse engineering and computers. Hilarious how true "youth is wasted on the young" is. I'm only 3 years out of college and already regret only caring about CS classes. But honestly, I think a big part of that is also that now I'm learning to learn with no grades attached. I think grades and measurement ruin that beautiful opportunity in college.
This post was sponsored by a feeling of contentment and growing.
Song of the day: Sensitive - Serena Isioma
Been a minute. I read this article about the difference between liking and wanting, and found myself sort of... floored by how often I am doing the things I "want," not the things I "like." What do I even like? I'm not sure I really even know. I feel completely ruled by my dopamine-addled brain, I do not rule it. I think that attempting to go on a "dopamine fast" would be good for me. I may try it for the next few days before L comes. I can't believe I don't know what I like.
What on earth do I like? I think finding out will be a long journey.
This post was sponsored by the realization that I'm an NPC
Song of the day: Honesty - Cool Company Remix
L has left. Wow a lot has happened. She definitely helped me identify some stuff that I need to work on, there were times and places this week where I was very unfair to her, and she was nothing but patient and loving towards me. I am undeserving. I Love her deeply, and wish I wouldn't lose sight of that so easily. Otherwise feeling pretty darn good, we just had a hilarious house dinner that was full of great stories, debates, and laughs. Feeling thankful.
This post was sponsored by wired headphones
Song of the day: Gymnopédie No. 1 - Erik Satie
This post was also sponsored by Love
Song of the day: Stay With Me - Miki Matsubara
L is here!! Life is good
This post was sponsored by Love
Song of the day: On Dance Floors - Metronomy
I stayed up far too late last night. I did prosthelytize neocities far and wide today though, and am feeling overall more inspired. I think the world was just feeling a little gray, and finding this site reminded me of so much good about people, computers, and the web.
For instance, I reached out to a coworker to get all the Phineas Phisher manifestos. I think that they would be a good thing to host here, maybe under an "inspirations" page. Thing that I could put there are cool quines and other small programs, youtube videos I love, and other neocities pages that I stumble up on and love. And that's just it, I'm stumbling upon things in the web again! Nothing is recommended by an algorithm or notfiying me, I am just forging my own path through the web. So cool. I just need to find a good IRC channel to join and then rice the shit out of a deblobbed gentoo machine and I'll be good to go.
Also, L will be visiting soon and I'm pretty excited about it. Long times away from each other and short bursts of 24/7 cohabitation is def not ideal, but she gives me meaning. I love her
This post was sponsored by Phineas Phisher and Netspooky, two people doing such cool computery shit in their own rights
Song of the day: Everything Goes My Way - Metronomy
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I found neocities today (or I guess yesterday now), and I must say it got me pretty excited. In fact so much so that I'm currently writing this way late into the night after grinding through CSS problems and writing a million paragraph tags. Those might sound like complaints, but I find it beautiful. The lack of fidelity makes you focus on what's important - the only content that will be on this site is content I feel is worth figuring out the style sheets for.
In all this lo-fi cruft is a much more beautiful internet. As I was describing to L, our personalities have been cut into chunks and shipped to different websites where our chunks then mingle with others' chunks. Our thoughts about movies get shipped to letterboxd, our thoughts about biking get shipped to reddit.com/r/bikes, and so on.
So what happens when I go on letterboxd? I see a million different peoples thoughts on movies, and only movies. That's not interesting! Who gives a shit about what a bunch of strangers thought of Big Momma's House 2?
People - whole, living, unchunked people - are interesting. And thats what a neocities page is. Its a realm in which a person can really express themselves and their thoughts in a hollistic manner, and in a manner that takes authorship. Instead of going on a modern site like letterboxd and reading a bunch of nameless, faceless thoughts on movies and ONLY movies, I can instead go to someone's neocities page, traverse an experience they have put together with me the visitor in mind, put a name and maybe a face to their thoughts, and then read what they think about a wide array of subjects! They can teach me something new, talk about their interests, and also share their thoughts on a movie. And these thoughts come with context of who the person is and what informs their opinion, and that is just way more fulfilling to me.
This post was sponsored by https://allyratworld.neocities.org/home.html
Song of the day: Third of May - Fleet Foxes